DO go to bed mad. Some discussions are better had after a little time has passed and you know how you are actually feeling rather than just wanting to roll your eyes and be snarky.
Fighting is good. Fighting is normal. Fighting is even healthy. Your marriage isn’t over because of one bad fight. So don’t be afraid of duking it out !
LUV = Listen. Understand. Validate. You need all three to have good communication.
Go over your finances weekly. Sometimes I have no idea what is even going on, but just sitting next to Orion while he does it and listening to what he has to say makes us a team, and helps us realize where we are at. Plus we avoid most potential financial crises because we both know where all the money is going and what our goals are.
Open up a couple extra accounts. One for each of you. Decide on a set amount of money and have each of your paychecks transfer that much money into your accounts. Get debit cards for those accounts and spend that personal money to your heart’s content. It has saved us so many arguments over finances. If I want to buy a new jumpsuit, I can do that without having to ask Orion or consult our joint finances. I just have to consult my personal account.
Get in a teammate mentality. It’s no longer ‘I’ and ‘me’, it’s ‘us’ and ‘we’. Make decisions together and when you aren’t on the same page compromise. There is never a winner and a loser. Just decisions.
As much as you want to spend every second of the day together as a newlywed, recognize that you need to also be able to grow apart in order to grow together. Spend time with friends. Join a club. Do something that is your own thing.
Don’t stop having date night. We have this (somewhat weird) tradition of getting hotdogs and churros at Costco on Saturday while we’re grocery shopping and calling it date night. Sometimes we even hit up the mall afterwards. But we make it special time and check in on our feelings. Sometimes we plan something else instead, but that little Costco hotdog has become one of my favorite parts of the week! (For me, not my liver haha)
Live by your love languages. Learn what each other’s are. Use them. I am physical touch 100%. I need to be snuggled or I get “fussy” as Orion likes to say… We make time at night to snuggle for a couple minutes and on weekend mornings as well. I always wake up before him so I get up, and he texts me when he’s ready for me to come cuddle him. It’s a fantastic system.
Don’t put your spouse down both behind their backs, and especially with friends/family. It’s pure humiliation and as mentioned earlier, you are a team. Don’t do/say anything to make your spouse feel otherwise.